RISE of the LEADER

So it was a Friday afternoon, I had an Intro to Business class and my word, did I enjoy this class.

A little side note here.... when I was in high school I purposely chose the science stream coz I hated Business. Who would have known that I'll be learning a bit on Business in college again...wahhhhhhhhhhhhh ... definitely not me.

I kinda felt like Jonah where you like try to run away from what your suppose to do or face only to find yourself submit to whatever you are running from =)

Anyway, You got to love God coz for whatever reason you think ain't worth knowing is worth knowing In God's Eyes!

In other words, just move with the flow knowing that God is in Control!!!

We had this game which the teacher kinda like asked us to play in a room with 5 students (The rest must be running away... hehehe). It was a "Survival simulation game".

Now I don't know if it’s true but it’s the same game that companies use when hiring managers. In short the scenario is that you along with your people where in a plane, crashed landed somewhere up north of Canada (How north can you get?!?! =p), its cold, 25 below zero during day time, 40 below zero at night, the nearest town 20 miles away. So you and your surviving buddies manage to salvage a couple of things in the plane....

WHAT DO YOU DO?

The list are (not in order)

A ball of steel wool

A small axe

A loaded .45 Caliber pistol

Can of Crisco Shortening

News papers (One per person)

Cigarette lighter (Without Fluid)

Extra T-shirt and pants for each survivor

20x20 ft. piece of heavy duty canvas

A sectional air map made of plastic

One quart of 100-proof whiskey

A compass

Family-size chocolate (One per-person)

Try doing this and see whether you are manger material =) (Comment or email me personally if you want to know the answer to this)

Anyway, I did mine... And guess what?!?!?!?!

I'll be the first one to die in the COLD!!!! Oh man, that just dropped the nuclear bomb in me and I can hear God say "..... ... ..... . . . . ..."

In other words, sometimes (or most of the times) I get the best of me (overconfident side) to act upon my life rather than listening to Him first and consider the thoughts of others.

When I thought about it, ask me whether my fellow "plane crashers" where part of my survival plan, I'm ashamed to say "NO".

Wow that was an eye opener, heart opener, can opener (however you want to call it) for me. I can see my "humble status" rising as it left a scar in my heart and mind as it’s gonna be one of those memories that you'll never forget. I can be very selfish.

But you know what.... Praise God! He reminded me that He is the perfector of our Faith!

Don’t ever think “that because things are going great for you everything is ok”. We need Jesus all the more.

I'm still amazed with this scene in my life. I still have a lot to learn. I thank God that He's never given up on me despite how many times I feel like giving up.

“A thousand times I failed still your mercy remains,

should I stumble again, I'm caught by your Grace" (plays at the back of my mind when writing this =) )

So I "died" in managerial skills but that’s all part in Leadership training so I guess I'm in the right class in life.

To be a leader is to go through failures not because you’re destined to fail but destined to learn so that you can be a better leader not for yourself, but for God and others.

Rise up!

Neil1am

P.S HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!

WAKE UP SCREAMING!!!

‘YYYARGH!!!!’

Wake up screaming..sometimes that’s what I do..Well…not really like yell at the ceiling and jump up run into toilet to wash up, but that would be cool…just freak out my roommate once in a while.

RECORDING FOR RELENT HAS BEGUN!!!!

Well…for drummer Cuzario to be exact…I did the guide tracks though…and...some other things…things…Do keep us in prayer…My turn comes when I come back from CNY in KK…

Which means I have to practice without my normal equipment at home…

Anyone wants to sponsor me a rig or two? (another guitar would be nice…)

ANYWAYS…

Yesterday night I took the guys out (Cuz, Dan, Neil, and Kel) for a steamboat buffet dinner on me…since it’s better to give than to receive…we had the most…um…weird experience of eating in Yuan (yes the chicken wing place…it’s not all that..if you go there JUST for the chicken it’s ok…but the buffet stuff suck so much it can clean the house…) where people just QUEUE UP to get them wings…and in the end return disappointed because they only have ONE on their plate and about 6 thousand other wings on the floor because people just can’t…um…make them go to their plate.

And Daniel made spicy ice cream fudge!! Check it out!!

It’s so gruesome and awesome and endearing in a way we had to blog about it…

(I’m really not into this way of blogging…it’s just not my thing…)

Anyway…ingredients are:

Yam ice cream

Vanilla ice cream

Corn ice cream

Tom yam soup

Chicken breast meat

Chicken gizzard

Chicken heart

Fungus (black and white)

Egg

Some overcooked Veg

Onions

Shrimp

Shrimp Shell

Chilli with lime and some other condiments

1 extremely experimental Indian

1 Indian saliva

1 Filipino saliva

It’s intriguing yet disgusting at the same time so it was a bet on fire!

RM100 bucks to the guy who finishes it…

No one barely even looked at it..

And since Kel was there he decided to do some discipleship with us…as he usually does:

Came a time when he ask:” What do you think is your life message? “

You know…like…if you were on stage suddenly and a group of people wants to hear what made you who you are…what made you do things the way you do…what speaks most loudly in your life that you believe in it and you don’t have to prepare a full length sermon to tell of your message….

I felt my life message is kinda obvious that time…music has always been my thing…and I wanna use this God given talent and use it for his glory…

I want to be such an influential musician that I can grab people’s attention,

and then God will take over from there.

Then Kel ask an extremely simple question:

“Then what?”

Those are two words that changed the way I think…”Then what?”

Really there are so many possible answers…But only one will matter to God…

I thought and thought and thought for the next few mins…

“WHATS NEXT!?”

I screamed in my heart…like I do waking up…nothing…

Nothing rang in my spirit…

Nothing sounded the bells in my head…

Nothing made the Jude inside respond…

Can that be it?

Play music and….and…what’s the next sentence?

GOD!!! HELP!!!!

I DON’T KNOW!!

Never in my life I felt so uncertain..

I need God more than ever now…

I need his directions even more clearly laid than ever…

I need his wisdom more than bread…

I need his grace more than the song meant…

I am weak…

Frail..

Brittle as hair..

Momentary as vapour…

Small as insignificant….

Where was my confidence..

Where was my zest..

Where was my passion..

I went home…bamboozled as monkeys on branches…Went to bed asking God..

“What now God?’”

“And then WHAT God?”

“I need you…”

I’m probably the only one in the band that listens to weird music (when I say weird, I mean things that scream, have weird odd time signatures, 45 min length songs, saxophones bleating and nose blowing a tower full of cabbages in upstate downtown sunrise!), I was listening to the song ‘A Small Spark Vs. A Great Forest’ by Norma Jean..

And some of the lyrics that got my attention (besides being a cool song):

Rip this tongue out by the root.
Shake the walls of this pale grave.
A blaze, a blaze is set upon the hills.
An open grave from which a great forest will rise, the fire collapses.
The corpses I've made.
This should not be.
Oh, how we curse.
The tongue is a flame.
Let there be grace.
Fight fair.

I wanted to be like the small spark..igniting the WHOLE forest…letting the world know how awesome is my God..

Oh how we curse ourselves…I speak of things I know not of myself..LET THERE BE GRACE…

In this season of Chinese New Year to come…I pray God will show more grace…and slowly reveal “WHATS NEXT”…

I want my life message to spark the great forest out there…But until then…I’m in need of him..more than ever…

What’s your life message?

…

“then what?”

Jude1am

FALL-LOW or FOLLOW?

Wasabi!!! How’s everyone’s weekend? Good I hope.

We just finished our 7 Day prayer and fasting as a church.

Let me break it down spiritually and physically.

- Physically I was hungry =p. Lost some kgs so it’s a good thing hahaha.

- Spiritually it was great. In a nut shell in conjunction to what I feel God spoke to me personally and ministry wise (which is the year 2009 is the “make it” or “break it” year) I felt God spoke to me about “starting right or miss out”. I mean think about it, if we start our day right with God (quiet time) the rest of the day would be perfect. Not that you won’t have challenges along the way but the strength, peace, grace, mercy, love etc of God is with you as you go through your day. Why? Coz you started your day right. Now this about this, how much more if you start youryear right?

I went to TGIF the other day with PC (Pastor Cat).

It was a dinner blessed by Roger, the dad of our youngest 1a.m. intern whose name is Eu Wyn, and had my favorite Jack Daniel Burger! It was amazing. I want to thank Manchester United for if it wasn’t for them thrashing Chelsea 3-0 I wouldn’t be eating at all… hahaha. Seriously.... Thanks Roger!!! You Rock!!! Man Utd Vs Intermilan next ;-)

Well today starts the 1^st week of our Change Album recording. So it’s official. Cuza goes first so do keep him in prayers that he delivers the best in him for this album.

Yesterday me and Jude were doing guide tracks (What are guide tracks? They are songs that should not be heard online due to bad recording. For drummers only =p). We did a video blog, so you’ll probably see it online soon.

It short, the change album will be coming out in the middle of the year so please be excited!

Anyway, I led worship last weekend and had a conversation with God based on Ps 23.

Now most of us know what Ps 23 talks about. It’s where it famously starts with

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want”.

One of my challenges this year that I agree to work on is really pray and grow deeper in terms with the word of God. So I read onwards and stumble upon verse 6 where it goes

“Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life...”

I paused for a while and chatted with God a bit and asked Him “Why couldn’t goodness and love go ahead instead of following?” Not that I doubted His word but I guess its just one of those ways you use if you want to hear God speak back juicy stuff. You got to ask questions! =)

So I asked and He immediately replied (Love Him=)) and this is what He told me to think of.

In life, we move forward. Our life moves forward not backwards.

Imagine if goodness and love do go ahead of us, in other words we follow. Now there’s no guarantee of what life may bring tomorrow or maybe the next few hours so if we fall somewhere we “sort-of” miss out because goodness and love was ahead of us. Its like having 2 of your best buddies run a head of you to get movie tickets where along the way you tripped over the pavement and there was no-one behind you to help you out because your buddies are in front of you.

But lets say, the same incident as the first, goodness and love follow us all the days of our lives that when we fall, we sure won’t miss it.

Wow, to me that was comforting. I hope it is to you too.

I don’t know where your journey is today but be at peace that you won’t miss out the goodness and love of God. And even if you feel like it’s ahead of you or you’re falling behind, know that our God the Father is watching, turns back, picks you up and puts you on top of His shoulders.

That’s the God I love and that’s the God I serve.

Neil1am

2009?

I can't believe 2008 is gone. Neither am I aware that today is actually the 15th day of 2009! To be honest, I don't even think my new year have begun...I'm still in my holiday mood!

At this point of writing, my dry throat feels like it's gonna tear really soon. It hurts so bad I wanna shove a bucket of ice cream right now...but I can only dream on as it is fasting season now for us here in our church.

I am also feeling a bit tired after making a short but exciting trip to Singapore & Indonesia last weekend together with my drumming family from Drummer For Christ. It was indeed a fun trip for me as I had the opportunity to drum together with this crazy bunch of guys who happens to be the world's finest drummers:

Arthur Kam (winner of Modern Drummer Undiscovered Talent under-18 category for 2008);

Rolf Wam Fjell (Hillsong Australia's very own drumming monster);

Lim Kok Yen (Malaysia's famous drum guru);

Vince Seah (Founder of Drummer For Christ Malaysia);

Derrick Siow (Malaysia's very own Aaron Spears);

Josh Wong (probably one of the good Jazz drummers/bassists in Malaysia).

Travelling with these guys has not only benefitted me in terms of my skills and everything else that has got to do with it but God also have given me the confidence to release words to some of the members of the team…something which I'd reluctantly do not too long ago. Though simple or nothing to brag about, the fact that I was able to confidently speak into their lives has boosted me to avail myself to be a voice that God would use to encourage others even more.

Back track a little bit…Christmas Production – The Heavenly Gift…I truly had fun playing Val, a nerdy angel with a thousand and one and a half questions! It never crossed my mind that I could play that role but I surprised myself & the show went well…

Next week we'll be hitting the studio again to record 1am's 5^th (my 2^nd) album which should be out, if everything goes as planned, in May or June. It's gonna be a great album. Hmmm…but we pray that it'll be more than just a great record…we want it to be a conduit of the defining moment in the lives of its listeners!

My throat is really uncooperative now…please join me in prayers for its complete healing. It's a bit annoying now I feel I better stop writing here. Will give you guys a buzz again real soon. My head's spinning too! Be blessed…

Cuz1am

F(e)asting to CHANGE!!!

Happy New Year to all those that are a bit slow on the dates. Like me, my new year was postponed due to a fever that I got from my younger brother. A day before New Year! It’s sad but I loss a lot of weight, so that’s something to be happy about.

Year 2009 started with a 7-day prayer and fasting, we do this every year but I decided to do something different, I’m going for the Daniel fast, not because my name is Daniel, but because Pastor Timothy the senior pastor of our church made an awesome statement that got me thinking (and also because I rarely eat vegetable. LOL). Seriously.

He said (I quote, not the exact words) Jesus fasted 40 days because that was what needed for His ministry, and Daniel (the dude in the bible) fasted for 21 days because he wants to change that nation. So my question to myself was this,

1. What am I fasting for and in what capacity of fasting does it require?
2. What is the amount of magnitude do I want to see change in me and around me?
3. Am I going to do it? yeEEEAAAAaaaRR~~~~

Take Zack Hunter for an example, he is a 15 year old dude that take the extra mile so abolish modern day slavery. Just like Bono, helping people in Africa. Why do these people go the extra mile to help others? Why don’t they just live in their own comfort? That you ask yourself and find out whether you want to be a world changer or a person just going to pass by without a legacy to pass on (rock and roll hand motion). This reminds me of john Meyer’s song Vultures.

Anyway, back on track, by fasting we die to our body and what seems comfortable for us. I’m not going to say that fasting is easy for me; in fact it is the hardest thing to do for me. I love to eat, hence the body size. I like to play computer games, sleep and yeah… you get the picture. But if I want to see change, a sacrifice of the flesh is sufficient to bring me to another level of my life.

I believe that everyone is meant to live so much more (switchfoot?) than what we are living for. We cannot do great things if comfort is what we desire and not change.

We as a team in 1AM is looking forward to our tour this year, and we pray that we can change your world.

Cheers. Dan1am

Grace Amazing

This week for the awesome Jude...

Or they call awesome hotness...

Or just hotness...

Or just awesome...

A new year has dawned...a new start to do things differently...

Newer challenges...newer things to learn...ANOTHER CHANCE to make my year glorify God...

Gosh so excited for this year. Relent recording is gonna resume again after a short hiatus. We just practiced and finalized arrangements for our songs...

Not to boast...but our songs are just so awesome...ok that’s boasting but it’s a God given song...so it’s for His glory...

What song doesn't need bells?! WE NEED THEM BELLS!!

Not to mention the tour we're gonna launch into this year...so much God has in store for us its just exciting..

If you dunno what I’m talking about then STAY TUNED!!

It’s the 1st week (2nd technically) but God has already started to reveal so much to me thru my time with him (sometimes I call it a date...lol)...

I remember on a particular Monday (actually that’s just a few days away) I was doing my devotions and the devo book mentioned something about God's grace...

Long story short, this guy was floating in the sea stranded...and almost got killed by sharks...but God's grace was upon him and he survived.

Many a times my surroundings fail my eyes...my existence blurs my heart...my work dulls my senses... and I, in turn fail to see that it was God's grace that made me Jude today...

Are my achievements fueled by my aptitude?

Are my moments of peace fed by my solitary shell?

Is my disposition shaped by my own understanding?

Neither...

WHERE I AM TODAY IS ENTIRELY BY GOD'S GRACE.

I have failed in many areas, yet God's grace pushes me to move.

I have stumbled many a times, yet God's grace picks me up.

I have shut my ears and ignore, yet God's grace spoke through my heart.

I remember during a concert 1a.m. was playing and I COMPLETELY MESSED UP MY GUITAR SOLO... (macam telinga mau koyak bah) no guitar sounded as cheap/weird/tormenting/hancur/all-in-all-really-bad as my guitar that moment... (which I quickly reacted by lowering my volume slightly to avoid further destruction of ears) but the spirit of God moved in the concert, and many people were touched. It wasn't my playing that moved the people (it moved them one step back though...lol)...but God's spirit...

I remember PC saying this so clearly...until now it has been a benchmark in what I do in ministry:

"WHAT WE DO IS NOT A MEASURE OF RELIGIOUSITY,

BUT A MEASURE OF GOD'S GRACE... "

I may be in the worst moments of my life,

be the worst guitarist of all,

be the worst person to have to cut your hair...

but God's grace makes the worst obsolete.

I thank God for his grace that carried me through...and I encourage you guys to give thanks to God for his never ending grace...

If not you even might not have a chance to read this...

God is awesome...

Jude1am

2008 ..... The year that passed - Neil

The year that passed ….

2008 I believe was a year where the Lord has been doing a lot of maintenance in my life. Honestly I feel I haven’t done much but if I am going to base my year on the things I do physically (no wonder I’m growing in size) then I’ve missed the point on what God has been doing internally.

Unlike 2007, we didn’t travel much but like I said, MAINTENACE!

It has been challenging as a musician, a leader and a discipler but I believe it’s for the good for the year 2009.

Musicianship – I believe there has been growth in 3 areas. First is my songwriting/arrangement abilities. I remember praying to God about really bringing me to the next level in terms of my writing. I struggled as I worked my way through in writing not just worship songs but mainstream song where at the end of the day I wrote more than I expected this year. I’ve been also listening to a lot of today’s music, just to know what’s in and out. With that, I’ve been open to a bit of Jazz and classical music which so broaden my creativity. There has been so much soul searching adding depth to what I write so yeah….Praise God!

2^nd and 3^rd, my vocals … hmmm… became better, rockier according to Daniel and my guitar skills… well I bought an Electric Guitar (GRECO 79’) so that should answer my abilities. I still play rhythm though.

Leadership – Wow…. I had to step up a lot in situations I felt needed the most. You have to understand that I’ve always labeled myself as the “Laid Back Leader”, just chillin’. I’ve been reading a leadership book where what struck me was that “A leader is one that steps into the uncertain. You as a leader can afford to be uncertain but cannot afford to be unclear in terms of moving forward.”

Personally, I feel I’ve used my brain so much this year in terms of thoughts, thinking of a clear direction. I may not know the outcome but so far there has always been a direction with a positive outcome. And even if it didn’t turn out right, it gave room to grow and learn. This goes out in all the areas I lead may it be as an assistant to Kelvin in terms of our 1a.m. ministry at church, the main band whenever Kel and PC is not around on tour, the youth band(Relent), Creative life, Discipleship etc.

Discipleship – Well I didn’t reach my faith goal in this area but I’m happy that the people I follow up grew the next level whether it’s their walk with God or serving. I had an additional friend added up in the group and he’s been doing great so far!

To see them serve in more than their natural ability is a blessing. I am determine to raise leaders who does not serve where they find comfort but push them to areas where I believe will help them grow and even so determine to raise people who loves God, fueling their passion to serve.

Relationship with the opposite sex – FAILED! Hahaha. Let’s see what 2009 has in-stored! I guess I’m still searching. I saw one but I maybe looking at the wrong one. I don’t know. Well whoever it may be, I hope she’s looking out as well. Bottom line is, what I feel, should be from God.

Enough said.

Overall God has been great in my life. He filled every void that needs to be filled with love and poured so much grace even when I don’t deserve them.

What do I mean by that?

Well being foreigner and living in Malaysia away from my family (miss you guys. Dad take-care of yourself, praying for you! I’ll see you guys soon) and friends I grew up with can be tough. It’s not like I can pay a few hundreds to go back home, I would need a few thousands for the flight and that’s a lot so I really thank God for being there always and giving me friends here to grow with.

Grace? How truly sweet the sound of grace is! I am not perfect as a worker at the office, a minister in or out of church, a friend. I mean I didn’t graduate as a business man, a good communicator, a super talented guitarist. At times I really feel inadequate with what I do. To be honest there are times I feel I am not the smartest, on top of that I have my challenges. But again, Praise God for it is Him who sustains me, in my weakness He strengthens me and pours out that sufficient grace, that amazing grace I so need everyday in my life.

Serving God, serving the church, serving the people has been a pleasure. I find no regrets.

I’m excited for next year. Everything that took place personally in my life was so that I can step into a bigger picture that God painted for 2009. I know its going to be bigger, better and greater. All for His glory and I know that YOU all are in it!

RELENT is coming soon. Don’t know what I’m talking about?… stay tune!